From July 8, 2007
I have long been a proponent of the idea that we live in a very disposable society. Just watch television for fifteen minutes and you’ll have ample proof of this. The plethora of throw away products seems to grow, even though we have been reiterating the Reduce, Reuse, Recycle philosophy for close to two decades. There are disposable diapers, disposable toilet bowl cleaners, disposable contact lenses, etc. In the past few decades that mentality seems to have spread to relationships as well.
I realize that there have always been the ‘quickie’ marriages, especially if pregnancy was involved. But these days that seems to be taken to a whole new level. I am sure the whole individual movement started in the nineteen seventies has something to do with that, as does the implementation of no-fault divorce. I don’t know, but I am really of the mind that marriage is supposed to be permanent, so you really ought to think things through, long and hard before making that commitment.
This is usually the last topic on my mind. I doubt that I’d ever really want to undergo the torture that is marriage. So what, you may be asking, is the reason for this little post? Well, I answer, I was on Facebook just a little while ago, and discovered that my Ex is engaged.
Don’t go running off with the half-cocked idea that I’m jealous, because I am most certainly not. On the contrary, I can actually say good for him. If she can stand him she’s a better person than I. Beyond that I don’t really care.
Perhaps it has something to do with being an only child, but reflection and rumination have been my constant companion these twenty-eight years. I have spent a lot of time thinking about both my former personal and professional relationships. I think the two are inextricably intertwined in my mind. As my work relationship deteriorated so did the personal.
In regards to the work relationship I just couldn’t stand to work in an environment that was so negatively charged. I can honestly say that I am not the most positive person, but that place was literally making me into a complete bitch. To bring in a Harry Potter reference here, walking into that building was akin to what it must be like to come face to face with a Dementor. The minute you entered that place it’s like all of the happiness was sucked right out of you. Oh, and if somehow you found a way to be happy, or tried to be positive, they would find another way to hammer that out of you.
So that was work. That was the place that I spent forty hours a week at, give or take. And add to that the fact that I was working with my ex. Anyone out there reading this, if you want one take away from this post -ABSOLUTELY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES EVER WORK WITH THE PERSON YOU LIVE WITH – UNLESS YOU ARE GOING TO BE SPENDING A SIGNIFICANT TIME APART IN OTHER AREAS OF YOUR LIFE!!>
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . . “ OK, to concentrate now. I can now say with absolute certainly that relationship was doomed from the start. Even at the best of times I’d say it was lacklustre. I don’t think that I ever really saw a future there. I honestly must have watched Forrest Gump one too many times, because I was just sort of going with the flow of things. I probably would have still done, had I not gone back to school.
In 2004 when I returned to school we had a discussion about how it was going to be hard because I’d be working full time and going to school full time. I said I was likely to be tired and bitchy – and the like. I think I remember saying something along the lines of how he was going to have to do more householdy things by himself. What a joke that was. OK, here’s the biggest piss off of the whole thing – hence my rant – I was busy writing a paper that was due two days later, had two exams to study for – and he says to me “we have to talk when you’re done your exams.”
This is a completely mean statement here but I think the very first thought that went through my mind was “I know what this means – and why the hell now?” Like honestly, anyone who’s ever gone to University knows that finals time is like the most completely stressful time of year, and he picks that time to have a huge relationship talk? I don’t know if it’s a guy thing? Something particular to that guy? Or maybe it was a grander scheme of complete lack of consideration. Whatever the case that’s really not my point. I think it was that which was the last straw. I seized the opportunity that he opened with that whole ‘we have to talk’ thing and used that as the out I was too cowardly to initiate.
I have been much happier since, especially once I was also out of Convergys. Severing ties to all the crap in my life. I actually like my life now. It’s fantastic. A job I like, writing again – and people actually liking it – going back to school in September – and completely devoid of idiotic boyfriends. lol.
But I have gone way off on a tangent. Bringing things back within the scope of this blog. So I found out this ex of mine is engaged. Great, fantastic, have a good life, and whatever other perfunctory statement we are supposed to say. My annoyance isn’t with his situation in particular, but the marriage institution as a whole.
Even if you take the religious context out of marriage, isn’t it still supposed to be a union of two people for life? You are pledging to love, support, and be there for each other til death do you part, not until the next full moon. As such, should we not take the time to get to know the people that we are going to marry intimately (and no I don’t necessarily mean sexually) before we make that great vow? Surely that’s not something you could do in a year or two? Especially when it was way less than two years ago when one of those two people was still IMing his ex-girlfriend annoying her about how they should get back together, not mentioning any names of course :P.
Am I completely unbiased? Absolutely not. The disaster that called itself my relationship with this particular individual certainly gave me a very bleak view of relationships. I think this coupled with the fact that my own parents divorced, after which I learned some rather unwanted things about their relationship, has made me even more wary about getting involved again.
I don’t really want to say never. But as of this point I don’t really think that relationships are for me. I’d much rather stick with the relationships of the imaginary people swarming around in my head. At least I can control them. MWA HAA HAA!!!!
Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.” or so says Dennis Miller.