Here am I using one of the five dollar words that come to me in one of my word of the day emails. I love the sound of this word, but it is not only that. I sometimes wonder why I can never get anything done, then I realize that I am constantly circling back to rethink decisions I have already made. A case in point: I am currently raging a battle with myself about whether I want to post chapters of my latest story or not.
Here’s the conundrum: I think Stephen King is right when he says to write with the door closed, meaning don’t share your work with someone else until it’s done. My own personal experience is that feedback, good or bad, can change the story that you were meaning to write, and not always for better. More fundamentally though, it can sap your enthusiasm for a story and you might then decide to abandon what could be an important story for you to tell. On the other hand, I’m feeling fairly smug and self-satisfied with some of my own ingenuity (yep, conceited moment here) and I want to share my genius with the world.
To be clear, I don’t think myself a genius in reality. If I were, I wouldn’t still be writing fan fiction, would I? And I do admit I like the freedom of knowing that I can write garbage (rubbish) and still go back and revise. Just yesterday when i was working on a scene, I had one of these heavy moments where I wanted to go back and change something. I hesitated. thinking that it would be too much effort to make the change in all of the published works (on various websites) before remembering that this was not published anywhere, so change as I like.
I suppose in writing the last paragraph above, I have made my own decision: freedom it is. I will keep you all in the dark a little while longer about where my story is going. Hopefully the story will be the better for it. Fingers crossed anyway.